[four_fifth]
Dandd was enjoying a nice day in Quinhalla. He was walking in The Plains when he heard a familiar voice.
Voice: WHOOOO!!!! +1 MOTHER@#$%ERS!
Dandd froze.
A body impacted the ground at Dandd’s feet.
The Monk-On-Duty quickly brought him back.
The figure stood up, kind of.
Dandd: Spike Baltrihper. Long time no see.
Spike: No @#$%. You shohld ge’ out mor.
Dandd: Just dropped by?
Spike giggled: Thhaths punny.
Spike distracted himself.
Spike: aye cae teh viszhit!
Dandd: Good. I haven’t seen my old-
Spike: ADHVAHNCED!
Dandd: Ranger friend in a long time. Suddenly all the color returned to Spike.
Spike: Damn that Grog is good @#$%!
Dandd: Wore off did it?
Spike: yeah…
Spike looks down.
A henchman was walking by minding their own business, when spike walked up to them and yelled SEX AND DRUGS AND ROCK and ROLL! As loud as he could, knocking the henchmen over in surprise.
Henchman 1: What are you, some kind of Geomancer?
Spike looked like he was going to cry.
Spike: A bunch’a kids ya got here! Let me guess – “It’s like a computer game, but on paper”
Spike could hear Voices from various parts of Quinhalla yell: “STOP THAT!”
Dandd: So where have you been?
Spike: NO I’M NOT!
Dandd: No you’re…wait…That’s not even a response to what I was saying!
Spike: Oh. I know I can do better, just let me get high!
Spike begins to consume Red Rock Candies at an incredible rate.
Spike begins muttering incoherently
Crysania came down from her tower, offering to keep Dandd company.
Crysania: Is he alright?
Spike: I AM SPIKHOLIO. I NEED ROCK CANDY FOR MY FACEHOLE!
Dandd: We were in an “Advanced” campaign, a long time ago.
Spike savagely pounces on a rock and tries to drink from it
Dandd: He was a loner; a lot of rangers were back then.
Spike gets on all fours and threatens to ‘track’ his mug of grog to the ends of the land
Dandd: He was near a place called “Kendermore”
Spike sits and begins complaining about the burr in his foot
Dandd: he lost half his mind there.
Crysania: Half?
Spike attempts to scale Crysania’s tower, singing to himself “…friendly neighborhood rangerman…”
Spike, a couple body lengths up, slows down.
Spike: Is there a reason I’m up here?
Dandd: Hydrodynamics!
Spike screams in terror and falls from the tower.
Crysania: Hydrodynamics?
Spike begins to set off fireworks as fast as his hands will let them, chanting “Planet called Dirt. People Called People. Planet called Dirt…”
Dandd: Yes. Spike here lost the other half of his mind at Mt. Nevermind.
Spike managed to steal and consume all the Ale that was intended for Dandd’s Grail.
Dandd noticed, after the empty containers hit the ground.
Crysania: Wow…
Dandd: His time near Kendermore has made him an excellent thief.
Spike: YOU’RE A TOWEL!
Spike begins punching various stones of the Tower in search of ‘Funkytown’
Crysania: Quite a handful.
Dandd: Has been for a while. He refuses to settle down. He just wanders from one area to the next, looking for more substances to ingest.
Crysania takes a closer peek: Legendary Cartographer? Connoisseur of Confectionaries?! Incorrigible Ale-Hound?! AND Life of the Party?!
Spike Flexes: “Don’t you worry about me, I’m tripping BALLS!”
Dandd: Hence the name.
Crysania points at Spike: Is he sticking around?
Dandd: WHOA! YOU’RE A LOADED GUN!
Crysania blinks confusedly.
Spike looks around, realizes he’s trapped between them two and the tower: “WHOA! THERE’S NO WHERE TO RUN!”
Dandd groans.
Spike: NO ONE CAN SAVE ME THE DAMAGE IS DONE!
Spike returns to normal.
Spike: So do you guys eat around here? I’m famished.
Crysania is stunned
Spike: Come on Guild Leader! You too!
Dandd grins
Spike: We can tell you the story when we beat up a bunch of sci-fi dorks. What was our war cry again?
Dandd didn’t miss a beat: “Screw your Lightsabers, we have Light Maces!”
Spike and Dandd turn to each other, beaming with joy: “GO TEAM VHOOLEQUIN!”
Crysania stood there amazed. There were actual rays of light emanating from them.
Crysania: Yeah, let’s go. After that I’m drinking.
Spike: I never drink.
Spike tried to steal from Crysania, who has nothing to steal…
Crysania: I’ve forcechoked for less.
Spike: SORRY! Habit. I was only going to borrow it anyway, I was going to give it back…
Dandd laughed, it was good to have another old (“Advanced”) guy around.
Spike: Ok..maybe a little, here and there…
[/four_fifth]
[one_fifth_last]
Episode (27)
28 Sep 2010
Notes: Spike Baltrihper would rapidly become one of the Hoolequin regulars.
References: D&D, Sex Drugs Rock & Roll, Guild History, South Park, Beavis and Butthead, Dragonlance, Spiderman, Bon Jovi [You Give Love a Bad Name], Star Wars, The Venture Brothers
[/one_fifth_last]