[three_fourth]
Crysania: I’m off to see Magnifico
All: Alright
Lalandra: Wait. Who’s Magnifico?
Rain: The head of Hoolequindustries.
Lalandra: A henchman?
Rain: His name is Magnifico Terrifico.
Lalandra: That name sounds familiar…
Dandd: He became a henchman by choice, but he’s actually Crysania’s First Long time DM.
Rain: What’s a DM?
Balreth and Dandd wince hard, and yell in sync: DON’T DO THAT!!!
Rain was removed from his feet, but managed to innocently state: Oh! I Get It Now!
Lalandra grumbles at Rain.
La Chad shouts from the top of the ship: Since Our Fearless Leader has departed, it is up to moi to move things along!
Everyone, every single person, is either staring straight ahead or down at the floor.
In fact, you could hear Spike chanting: must not look up, must not look up.
Dandd finally says something: PUT SOME PANTS ON OR COME DOWN!
La Chad: Oh phooey.
Everyone continues to look away.
La Chad clicks his tongue: Fine, have it your way – girlfiends.
Stabbith leans to Lalandra: If he calls me ‘Girlfriend’ one more time…
Lalandra giggles.
Dandd: I’ve been meaning to ask you, why ‘stabbith’ and not ‘stabbath?’
Stabbith: It’s closer to stabbing.
Dandd nods and takes a step back.
La Chad walks out onto the gangplank: Ok girlfriends-
Stabbith snaps: ….that does it!
La Chad takes a couple steps closer to the group.
Stabbith: Catch!
Stabbith tosses one of her daggers, underhanded, at La Chad.
When La Chad became distracted by catching the dagger that was tossed at him, Stabbith shadow-stepped behind him and ran her other dagger through his kidney.
Yoshi quickly healed La Chad as Stabbith caught her other dagger.
La Chad was lying on the floor, staring up at Stabbith: that was SOOOOO HOT!
Stabbith groans angrily and walks away.
Tiffany Berner stepped forward, and commanded the Berner Clan to clean up the Temple of the Black Pearl in preparation for the ceremony. Nyx, and Gabrielle returned a salute and started their clean-up effort.
Dalreth panicked. He’s very used to listening to Tiffany, but he’s a Silverlock now…
Tiffany put a knowledgeable hand on Dalreth’s shoulder: Go with your new clan, but do not forget your old one.
Dalreth happily saluted, and ran off to join the other massive pony-tailed elementalists.
Tiffany: WAIT!
Dalreth spins around.
Tiffany: Could I ask for one more favor?
Dalreth nods.
Tiffany: would you mind taking all the pups outside so we can start cleaning?
Dalreth grins widely, and happily sets off for a moment of playtime with Georgia and krewe. —
A Runner Henchman slides down the ladder into Paradise City, his legs barely supporting him. He stumbles down the hill towards the Temple. He MUST warn the officers. He runs past where Margrid’s pile o’ wood used to be. Where did it all go? He didn’t have time to wonder, he must get to the temple.
He stumbles past the make-shift kitchen.
Runner Henchman: War..nner…
The henchman spots Nyx and collapses at her feet. She tries to keep Georgia’s kisses at bay and bends down to listen.
Runner Henchman: Warsh…nner…
The Henchman fades out from fatique but Nyx looks up at the other officers, confused, and asks: Warship Gunner?
Balreth knew what meant and dashed towards the Temple’s new exit.
Rain didn’t know what the @#$% was going on, but followed Balreth out of instinct.
Balreth got to the exit quickly, and saw a Kurzick ship, LOADED with troops, heading towards the temple.
Balreth grabbed his Buster Sword and began drawing in the dirt.
Rain caught up and stepped on his drawing.
Balreth grumbled angrily and began drawing in an adjacent spot.
Rain: What’s going-
Balreth: SHUT UP!
Rain stepped back, wounded: @#$%, I’m just trying to help…
Balreth finished drawing, and grinned at rain.
Rain could only smile back, uncertainty written all over his face.
Balreth snapped the rifle grips down, brought the pommel to his shoulder and fired two sniper shots at the ship in rapid succession.
Rain: TWO?!
Balreth gestured to the ground and grinned: Glyph of Renewal.
Rain smiled back.
The first sniper shot hit the hull of the ship to minimal effect, but the second one toppled the main mast.
Balreth cheered: Warship Gunner! Rain saw the ship was dead in the water and ran past Balreth, along the coast towards the boat.
Balreth could only yell “HELP!” before he found himself chasing the young monk.
Angel, Lalandra, Nyx, and an angry La Chad gave Balreth pursuit.
The sky near the ship began to darken, and the Quin officers [and La Chad] couldn’t hope to keep up with Rain.
Balreth was the first to notice the Kurzick Life Boats being deployed, but everyone else was up to speed before he found the breath to say anything.
Lalandra and Balreth noticed Rain, glowing hands and all, was off the ground casting. Balreth tackled Angel and Lalandra tried to grab La Chad, but missed. The four officers covered their eyes in time to hear Rain scream in a maddening frenzy “RAY OF MOTHER@#$%ING JUDGMENT!!!”
The pillar of light pierced the center of the ship and set it ablaze. As the remaining Kurzicks were abandoning their armor so they could abandon ship, the first of the life boats were almost at landing range.
The officers were back on their feet again, sprinting towards Rain – barely on his feet after that – to intercept the imminent Kurzicks.
Angel, in between breaths, yells to Lalandra: Sometimes, I hate THAT guy too.
Lalandra tried to laugh, but could only manage a smile and nod.
Nyx got a quick idea and veered towards a hill overlooking the landing point.
La Chad got to Rain first, and hurled his spear at the back of his head: I’M RUNNING THIS CEREMONY!
Rain doubled over in exhaustion, hands on his knees, as the spear sailed harmlessly over his head.
Balreth got to Rain second, just in time for Rain to sit down and utter: I was saving that for Crysania.
A friend of the Kurzick who took a spear to the chest made it up the landing and was aiming for Balreth when he got a Brass Knuckle to the side of the head.
Lalandra yells: how about THAT ‘sideswipe.’ Eh?
Balreth laughed. The momentary confidence allowed him to grab his Buster Sword without any thought of loss or pain.
The next Kurzick caught the flat of the Buster Sword to the side, and the balance loss was enough for Angel to entangle him with her whip. With a quick jerk the Kurzick was brought to Angel, who promptly demonstrated a good use for ‘Inferno!’
The third Kurzick was impaled by La Chad’s shoulder armor in a horrific tackle. La Chad was able to reclaim his spear and ready himself.
One by one, the Kurzicks were defeated as Rain regained his stamina.
In the quiet in between waves, Rain quietly stated: Let’s fight in the shade.
The officers looked up to see many of Nyx’s Necrosis Arrows in a high arc, headed towards the next life boat.
Many of the Kurzicks leaped off of the boat, but could not swim under the weight of their own gear.
Up the coast a bit, Georgia began barking loudly and took off running.
Angel spun around to see a Ranger trying to shoot back at Nyx. Her whip broke the prepared arrow, and removed the bow from his hand, but no damage to the Ranger himself. Balreth got off an un-aimed sniper, but the ranger was able to use Antidote Signet quickly and was otherwise not bothered.
Lalandra was already running up the coast. The Ranger saw her coming and entered into the Lightning Reflexes stance. With one hand Lalandra cast Defile Defenses and with the other hand forced him to block her Power Attack. The ranger recoiled in horror when his block caused significant health loss. He slowly pulled out daggers of his own and smiled. His cockiness gave Lalandra plenty of time to cast Spiteful Spirit. The ranger was in a panic. He can’t block, He can’t attack, what now? Lalandra didn’t give him time enough to think, and between punches and punishment hexes – the Ranger was easily outclassed.
The sky cleared, the ship was in pieces and the Kurzick assault group were no more. Rain had regained his stamina and everyone regrouped to head back to the temple. All except La Chad.
La Chad was seen marching towards the Kurzick Main Camp.
Balreth breaks the silence: March of the Quin Queen right there.
Angel: It’s so dark out, does he know where the camp is?
Nyx, who’s been out hunting and is fairly familiar with the terrain looks around and giggles.
Lalandra: Eh?
Nyx points in a different direction: Camp is that way.
Rain smacks his own forehead and groans.
Angel holds her sword tip to Rain’s chin: Yeah, like YOU haven’t done anything stupid lately.
Rain rubs the back of his head and grins: I sunk the ship didn’t I?
Balreth clears his throat.
Rain: Ok, Ok, WE sunk that ship.
Balreth twirls his Buster Sword over head, then ‘sheaths’ it.
Everyone looks around, swearing they could hear a short Fanfare.
Nyx regains herself first: So, should we go after him?
Lalandra: I say temple first. It’ll take him a while to get there anyway.
The group nods and heads back to the temple to plan the final assault.
—
The victorious officers were full of glee when they returned to the temple.
Stabbith was waiting: The runner says the time for attack is now. At least half the camp has left. All that’s left is their command units and escort.
Quiet smiles spread across the Quin.
Each officer went to gloat in front of their clan members, but Rain chose to be all alone. Instead of clan members, Rain found a quiet corner to talk to Michelangelo.
Spike leans over to Dandd: He plans to go to the Kurzick Camp alone.
Dandd leans back: You can lip read from that far?
Spike just grins at Dandd.
Dandd sighs: At least take some self-heal.
Spike looks in his belt pouches, surveys all his wonderful sugars and noisemakers, and proclaims “Check!” loudly.
Spike waves to Dandd and the focus shifts back to Rain…who isn’t there. Dandd looks around for Stabbith, and doesn’t see her either.
Spike utters come ‘advanced’ obscenity and dashes to his alcohol stash.
Dandd wonders why Spike even bothered to pay attention to Rain, when Spike takes off towards the land exit.
Thinking that he’ll probably need help, Dandd requests Officers and their clan-mates to go help. The Anchorwind clan is M.I.A., the Quin Queen is on a rampage and the enemy camp too large for a solo effort – even for The Anchorwind.
Margrid loudly demands the remaining heroes and henchmen stay with her. She will NOT have this ship damaged…again.
So each clan member fell in to their respective formations and the Guild moved out, with full intent to drive the Kurzick from the Island once and for all. Margrid and a bare-bones krewe stayed behind to prepare the Ship for sail. If all went well, Margrid would sail to the Kurzick camp and pick up everyone.
—
Spike is catching up to La Chad when he spots a sentry henchman.
Spike: Atten-hut!
The henchman instinctively snaps to attention.
Spike: Do You Has?
Henchman 1: What?
Spike, in his face: The Gumption? The Life Bar? The Five Gold?
Henchman 1: Five gold?
Spike: A Ha! Thought so! It was written all over your face and I could hear that from a mile away!
Henchman 1: But…
Spike: Do you has what it takes to defend The Quin Queen?
Henchman 1: God Save The Queen!
Spike, nervously looks up: Any, either, or all of you…
Spike regains himself: The De La Chadtoon is recruiting squad members.
Henchman 1: The De…?
Spike continues, un-phased: This Platoon will be the most elite fighting force this side of-
Spike licks his finger and sticks it in the air…wiggles it around for a bit…then slumps in defeat: no wind.
Henchman 1: this side of no wind?
Spike: YES! Will you solemnly swear to dedicate your life or the next two hours, whichever happens first, in defense of the Quin Queen as a part of The De La Chadtoon regardless of the direction or the intensity of the usually gentle and pleasant breezes?
Henchman 1: …sure, I guess.
Spike: Good! Fall in and surrender your five gold.
Henchman 1: I have to pay for—urrgh!
Henchman 1 was pinned against a tree by spike, with a dagger to the henchman’s throat.
Spike: Damn it man! The chain of command MUST be obeyed! You see this right here? [spike points to some black mark on his collar]
Henchman 1, gasping for air: Kind of…
Spike slams him against the tree: Kind of? This is a bird, son. I am your full bird Baltrihper.
Henchman 1, panting: Kernel [Colonel] Spike?
Spike: Kernel? That’s Call-Oh-Nell to YOU, Henchman. You better Recognize.
Spike strikes an awful pose.
Henchman 1: @#$% that’s awful.
Spike: Quin or Quit, Son. La Chad gets irritated when people don’t strike stupid poses around him.
Henchman 1 groans.
Spike: If you hear a voice in the back of your mind that just says “I am your gay side,” you should just listen to it for the next couple hours.
Henchman 1 nods and follows spike, generally towards the direction of the next sentry henchman – they hope.
Henchman 2 is found repairing Hoolequindustries marker flags when “Callohnell” Spike’s voice booms from behind him.
Colonel Spike: Henchman, Do you has The Chips and Salsa?
Henchman 2 shakes his head.
Colonel Spike: Do You has the Lost Shaker of Salt?
Henchman 2 shakes his head.
Colonel Spike pauses: Are you worth your weight in salt?
Henchman 1, behind Spike, nods vigorously.
Henchman 2 sees Henchman 1 and also nods.
Colonel Spike: Good! Welcome to The De La Chadtoon. Fall in with the other men and let’s MOVE OUT.
Henchman 2 whispers: What’s going on here.
Henchman 1 whispers back: Something about La Chad. “Kernel’ … I mean ‘Callohnell’ Spike seems pretty serious. Just play along.
Colonel Spike intercepts Henchman 3: Can you last eight seconds on a bucking Georgia?
Henchman 3 shakes his head.
Colonel Spike: Can you perform a ranged colonoscopy?
Henchman 3 shakes his head.
Colonel Spike: Can you get in there and win us the Gold?
Henchman 3: I think so…?
Colonel Spike: GOOD! Fall in Soldier. Move out!
Not much longer and Henchman 4 was spotted.
Colonel Spike: Can you write a smash reggae Jam?
Henchman 4: Ja Man!
Colonel Spike: Can…wait…you can? Well, I guess you’re in. Move out!
All throughout the Island, Colonel Spike could be heard screaming at henchmen: “Can you spell Colonel?” “Do you miss the eighties references?” “Do you ever LARP as a henchman?” “Can you nail a 1080 off of a Half-pipe?” “Can you save 15% off of your car Insurance?” “Do you has a red jacket?” “Where in the world is Carmen Sandiego?” “Have you discovered what Pizza is yet?” “Who’s Crysania’s Tattoo Artist?” “Translation fix can my you?” “Did YOU take my Jersey Number?” “Which T-Shirt? Team Angel or Team Balreth?”
It wasn’t that long before Colonel Spike had a genuine Platoon of bewildered Henchmen marching towards the Kurzick Camp.
—
Dandd and the Officers catch up with Rain and Stabbith.
Balreth: Is she talking to herself?
Rain: Nah. You don’t see Magnifico?
Angel: Is Magnifico…a fairy?
Stabbith: Nah, La Chad is the fairy.
Rain: Magnifico is a Pixie.
Dandd: Wasn’t Crysania a pixie too?
Rain: Yeah, a LONG time ago.
Nyx: How long?
Dandd: There were no pictures back then.
Nyx: Oh…
Dandd: I’ll fill you in later. I think we’re about to get our marching orders.
Crysania comes back to the group, grinning.
Crysania: Alright Krewe, here’s how this will go down. Angel, find the biggest escape route and cut it off. Nyx, Chase down all stragglers. Magnifico and Balreth will lead a Mass Meteor Shower Attack while we’re going to go play Fin Funnel.
Stabbith and Rain high-five: ALLRIGHT!
Balreth: When?
Crysania: Just wait for the signal.
Balreth: What sig-
Nyx points: Oh my!!!
A triangular formation slowly approached the Kurzick camp, snapping in rhythm.
Dandd: Who’s that in the red jacket…oh @#$%…
Everyone laughs hard.
Rain: Dood, that is so La Chad!
Everyone laughs harder.
Balreth: La Chad…Spike…Lalandra…they are all actually doing the Thriller…
Dandd: And the Kurzicks are very distracted.
Crysania: Krewe, it’s party time!
Angel grabs the few henchmen there and runs off to the largest exit route.
Clan Berner [with pets] Forms up on a good hill and waits.
Balreth, Malreth, Dalreth, and Valreth all line up with Magnifico and start drawing Glyphs.
The Anchorwind Trio start running down the hill – head into the thick of the Kurzick group.
As they get closer they can hear La Chad Singing: “And though you fight to stay alive | Your body starts to shiver | For no mere mortal can resist | The evil of the thriller”
The mesmerized Kurzick formation began to get pummeled by a series of meteor showers.
The Anchorwind Clan, dodging falling rocks and engaging in hit-and-run tactics, only increased the panic in the Camp. Several Kurzicks started running inland. They ran into what they thought was safe forested ground to regroup in, instead all the brushes started shaking violently and this ominous singing came from somewhere amongst the leaves.
Kurzick 1: NOO!!
Kurzick 2: Sirenia D’Inferno!! RUN!!!!
The Kurzick group started running this-way-and-that in complete chaos. Those who ran into the brush were captured and dealt with by Angel and her henchman. Those who tried to run up the beach were tackled and dealt with by Georgia and Friends.
The Center group finally gave up trying to get at Crysania and her krewe, fearing the endless rain of rocks. They instead tried to confront The De La Chadtoon. Yoshi was able to squeeze in a Prayer before the formations broke for battle.
Volusja was knocking smaller beings off their feet. La Chad was impaling people AND insulting their hair. Spike was showing off some continued Melee prowess and Lalandra started dropping grenades in the thick of it. The henchman had circled the gaggle to ensure no one tried to flee the terror of Spike and the Corvus Connection.
The Nuker Line was exhausted, but the Anchorwind Krewe were saving most of their skill bar for when the rocks stopped. Most of the Kurzicks left at this point were heavily armored and laughed at the two monks and one assassin standing in front of them. Rain relaxed, and Stabbith but her daggers away. The Kurzick only laughed harder, until they saw a wall of spirits emerge in front of their eyes. The remaining Kurzick ignored the three rushing at them, all fire was concentrated on the spirits. It wasn’t long before they succumbed to Holy Damage and Spiritspike.
Megatron and Devastator were up on the largest ship near camp. Their taunts had just begun when Angel had lit their ship on fire. Megatron jumped off and in mid-air was caught by Angel’s whip and hurled to the ground even faster. His entire top half was buried in the sand, and hit bottom half kicked into the air helplessly. Having lost an Unyielding Aura monk, the time for attack was upon the Quin and Crysania rallied everyone she could, as fast as she could. The Berner clan fired arrows onto those who hadn’t jumped yet. The Silverlock Clan sped up the process of the ship’s consumption. Yoshi, Crysania and Rain were busy healing those from the previous fight while Lalandra almost bled herself to death trying to get everyone caught up.
Devastator and his krewe had rapidly slid down ropes and ladders and made it on to the beach. Crysania offered an end to hostilities and instead Devastator shot an arrow through La Chad’s Red Jacket. The Flaming Fury that followed made even the officers wince a bit as La Chad held up his shield and charged them. Several arrows embedded themselves into his shield but La Chad was not to be slowed. La Chad made it in their ranks, and planted one right on Devastator. Everyone, Quin and Kurzick, was momentarily stunned by the move. Devastator, however, was devastated. In his disarray Volusja, Stabbith, Spike, and Angel closed the distance effortlessly and the Quin annihilated the remnants of the Kurzick Camp. The Berner Clan Pets were unable to find anyone or anything else of interest and Crysania declared victory.
The Nukers rendered all evidence of Kurzick presence to ash, Magnifico was heard telling Crysania he hadn’t had that much fun in a long time, Spike was complaining loudly that his daggers were STILL smaller than Razy’s. La Chad was combing through the ash looking for a sewing kit, and Angel was telling most of the other women about “Sirenia D’Inferno” and how terrified those Kurzick were and Rain was keep an eye on the horizon for Margrid and the Pearl.
A considerable amount of time elapsed, and Volusja was threatening to beat Margrid senseless if she didn’t show up soon. Nyx and Tiffany exchanged glances and shrugged. La Chad, holding up his shield muttered about “must be a corvus thing” and Yoshi reminded him that he was “in our clan too, you know.”
Rain: FINALLY!!!
Everyone turned to see the Pearl sailing up the coast. It wouldn’t be long before everyone would be on board and leaving the Battle Isles behind them.
Lalandra: …Where ARE we going, anyway?
Crysania: Mag and the HQI got us some shelter on the Isle of the Nameless – Near the Great Temple of Balthazar. We’ll be safe there, but we’re not staying long.
Nyx: Why are we going at all?
Crysania grins: Most of us aren’t going beyond that point. It will be a safe place to find transit to wherever your respective clan strongholds are, or will be.
Lalandra: YOU BETTER NOT BE LEAVING ME BEHIND!!!
There was an eruption of waving hands and crowding around Crysania. Many voices all at once.
Rain, sitting with Razy outside of the gaggle joked how they can’t even see her anymore despite the fact she glows.
Crysania: Calm down. Enjoy our victory. We will sort this out under the protection of the Zaishen Order.
Crysania leaves the noisy group of debating Generals. Even Georgia starts barking defiantly.
The Anchorwind start heading towards the Pearl when Magnifico looks at everyone, then asks Crysania: You already know who you’re bringing, don’t you?
Crysania grins: I know who I’m inviting anyway…
The Anchorwind grin and board the first of the smaller craft to head to the Pearl.
Everyone else realizes they’ve been left behind and scurries along to catch up.
—
[Aftermath, aboard the ship]
Henchman 1: There are dark rumors stirring.
Henchman 2: Oh?
Henchman 1: Yeah…something about ‘Guardians’ and the fall of the Cothic.
Henchman 3: Is that so?
Henchman 2: Wait… Guardian is a title
Henchman 4: Not these Guardians. I hear they’re monks with armor.
Henchman 1: No… that sounds TOO good.
Henchman 3: Yeah, what about us?
Henchman 2: I don’t wanna be obsolete.
Henchman 1: wait… Armor? So Guardians aren’t Cothic! /growl
Henchman 4: Guess Again. These Guardians get Staffs AND Armor!
Henchman 1-3 yell: NOOOOOOO!!!!
Crysania, walking around the Ship hears the yell and investigates.
Crysania: What’s going on here?
Henchman 1: Just wanting more Kurzicks to fight…
Crysania senses the lie, but plays along anyway: Keep a weather eye out, they’ll be more fights where we are going.
Henchman 1-4: Certainly! /poof
Crysania grins and resumes her walk.
[/three_fourth]
[one_fourth_last]
Episode 40
2 Feb 2011
Notes: Full reference list to come.
References: Guild History, Clan Specific Histories
[/one_fourth_last]