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In a rare display of public concern, the “Ambivalent Brotherhood of Necromancers” has volunteered to run a new suicide prevention hotline: 1-800-MINIONS will go live immediately. The group “Geomancers to the Core” has announced a new party drink: the Tec Tonic, rumored as a good way of getting stoned, and will unearth it during their upcoming rock concert, headlined by ‘Sedimental Value.’
Elementalists everywhere are going on the defensive about the recent arms deals, lowering the amount of nukers in the world. A muted response from Masters of Magic across the world indicate that Elementalists are storing their energy for later efforts.
Canthan Tea Ceremonies are becoming quite popular with young ritualists, no one is quite sure why. Additionally, Shing Jea Monastery has seen a sharp decrease in head injuries since padding all corners and entrances in and around the premises. A recent expulsion of a ritualist-trainee has led to the ban of the phase “blind leading the blind” due to instructor protests.
The Sunspear Great Hall has had an unfortunate accident where a young Paragon attempted to fly. It was going well until he had to breathe and could shout no longer.
Local Istani Farmers are relieved by a large number of young dervishes facing disciplinary actions, the dervishes were to reap the crops as punishment and training.
A Krytan Mesmer managed to advance his speed of casting so much he mesmerized himself.
A traveler from abroad was interviewed by the Lion’s Arch Times and had this to say “I’m appalled by all the neo-nazi skinheads wandering around, all tattooed and half naked. They had the audacity to call themselves monks! The nerve…” The traveler then rated her vacation as a 0/5 and left via boat this morning.
Accidental humor was overheard in the charr homelands earlier this week as Zenmai told Anton not to be such an Ass…
It turns out that Gwen’s real hatred of the Charr stems from a bad Star Wars campaign, where her Wookie had most of his fur burnt off. The irony of the fact that her captor was named Burntfur doesn’t escape her. She’s still looking for her sourcebook to exact revenge.
Jora showed up to a birthday party in a Wonder Woman outfit. Wow. Just. Wow. At that party, Eve revealed a strong dislike for apples. Tahlkora was seen quietly healing Olias after he literally bit his tongue off. Bizarrely enough, M.O.X. and Vekk won the three-legged race, beating out Olaf and Ogden by a wand’s length.
Call of the Hoolequin Guild Henchman have spotted IVC’s secret weapon, reported here [*]. When asked for further comment, they declined, frantically murmuring things like “force choke” “spirit spike” and “balreth puns.” It has all since been discarded as gibberish and nonsense.
And remember, loyal readers, World Peace through Inner Peace and Inner Peace through Helping Others…but if you can’t help others, then just do them no harm…but if you must do harm, then at least resurrect them!
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[one_fifth_last]
Story #3
27 March 2010
Notes: The Reference Humor aspect of the stories was already solidified by this point. Breaking the fourth wall and looking for ways to blend ‘our’ world with Tyria became a hobby of mine. This story also served as the introduction for the Quinzies.
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