[four_fifth]
[Premise: a stormtrooper opens his eyes and finds himself without his uniform, in pre-searing.]
[stormtrooper approaches Ned, an assistant to Tydus]
Ned: Oh yay. Another ‘adventurer.’
Ned Sighs
Ned: Name?
Stormtrooper: THX 1133
Ned is writing: THX 1135
THX: 3 sir
Ned: 3
Ned: Christ. No originality anymore. Are you even trying?
THX: …but that’s my name
Ned: Yeah. Whatever. Look, this is probably your 6th character or something, let’s just end this quickly.
THX: 6th…character…?
Ned: Profession?
THX: Stormtrooper.
Ned: Aren’t you a little short for a stormtrooper?
THX: What?
Ned: I heard ‘ranger.’
THX: no, stormtrooper.
Ned: I’m not playing these build-slang-terms game. Ranger.
Ned: Vader’s gonna force-choke me.
Ned: Fine. What kind of weapon do you prefer?
THX: my blaster-
Ned: -bow. Bow will work just fine. Good for rangers.
THX: Can I have my uniform back now? I really am going to get force-choked.
Ned groans painfully.
Ned: You’re already wearing your armor. Please, just play this gam-
THX: This isn’t my uniform. You know, stormtrooper-
Ned: ranger.
THX: Whatever. My all white uniform? Please? Empire? Vader? Anything?
Ned: Rangers-
THX: Stormtrooper!
Ned: whatever. Ranger’s don’t have all white uniforms. There is no empire in ascalon. This is getting really-
THX: The empire is everywhere! I N.E.E.D. my uniform. How can you not know Lord Vader? Force Choke? Galactic Domination? Big dude with assorted switches on his chest?
Ned: Domination? Sounds like a Mesmer Boss.
THX: Mesmer? NO! Sith you dumb@$$! Works for the emperor?
Ned: Shiro killed the emperor, dumb@$$.
THX screams painfully!
Ned: Christ, calm down. Shiro isn’t even in pre-searing.
THX: Pre-searing? Nevermind. Look asshole, where is my @#$%ing uniform and weapon?
Ned: @#$% off! This is a ROLE PLAYING GAME. If you want new all-white armor, GO OUT AND GET IT.
THX: Fine! I will!
Ned: Finally.
THX Storms out the Portal!
THX: What the the hell is this purplish thing?
THX Reads: “Stormtrooper School of Marksmanship: Hex: Permanently Activated, Cannot be removed. Effect: You Miss with all attacks.”
THX Hangs his head in Resignation and sets off to find his uniform and get back to his post.
[/four_fifth]
[one_fifth_last]
Story #1
22 Jan 2010
Pre-Searing, Star Wars, Monty Python
Notes: First published story! Monty Python/Star Wars/and breaking the fourth wall! The idea of there being a ‘force choke’ in GW was popular enough to inspire Crysania to write a skill description for it on the next page [Crysania’s Skill Update.] The approach of reference humor also went well, and started the ball rolling for many more.
[/one_fifth_last]