[three_fourth]
Spike: Sure is quiet.
Dandd: yep.
Spike: Feels like just yesterday everyone was here, bustling about.
Dandd: Pretty much.
Spike: Survivor-ing.
Dandd nods.
Spike: Vanquishing!
Dandd agrees.
Spike: We unveiled the Order of the Stuff flag.
Dandd nods.
Spike: …and Crysania was showing off her ‘joker face’
Dandd: She’s good at the “Why So Serious?” bit, her not being able to look you in the eye doing it kinda kills it though.
Spike nods vigorously.
Dandd: Right before that, these got passed around.
Dandd reaches in his belt pouch and hands a piece of parchment to Spike.
Parchment: Attention Customers of Hoolequindustries,
We here at HQI regret to inform our customers that there may be an abrupt, uncontrollable, and permanent cessation of products and services sometime tomorrow due to Rapture. In the event of Rapture, most HQI stations will be unmanned, and those left will likely be henchmen anyway. Any of you with insurance on your Xunlai Sanctioned Storage Units will be welcome to collect in Quinland at the HQI headquarters, subject to availability of agents. The Construction Project on the new-and-improved Berner Menagerie is put on hold, as is the I-Blame-Balreth Quinhalla Ruins Museum. HQI also anticipates Grace’s Singing Lessons to be cancelled indefinitely, and the Wiki will likely not be transported. HQI strongly encourages everyone to place their bets on God to Win the Rapture for their Immortal Soul.
Blood is Mother@#$%ing Power,
Hoolequindustries, Creating Yesterday by Remembering Tomorrow.
Spike laughs: Oh Yeah! I wonder how they would have handled us.
Dandd: Eh?
Spike: You know, being dead and all…
Dandd laughs: Maybe they-
Spike launches to his feet: Is that the sweet, sweet, smell of revenge!?
Henchman 1 freezes in his tracks: …It’s…an apple, sir.
Spike glares at the henchman: Can I have this aromatic fruit of vengeance?
Henchman 1: Uhh-
Spike, Defiantly: Choose your next words carefully, Henchman! For they might be your last…as..a… … …henchman.
Dandd shakes his head and groans.
Henchman 1, mustering a hopeful tone: So if I say no, I’ll get promoted?
Spike claps: Well played! Here!
Spike tosses a flask of firewater to the henchman.
The henchman reaches to catch it when Spike, yelling “Psych!” Fires a flaming arrow through the flask raining down flaming firewater onto the henchman, who drops the apple and runs away screaming.
Spike takes the apple, and rubs the dirty spot on his sleeve as Dandd stares in amazement.
Spike eats half the apple before Dandd speaks.
Dandd: The last time I heard ANYONE use “psych” or “sike” or anything like that is when most people thought I lived in basements and worshipped Satan.
Spike: Who’s Satan?
Dandd: He’s an Angel.
Spike: What’ s an Angel?
Dandd: Uhhh… Kinda like a harpy with chaos wings.
Spike roars: I WANT ONE! Where are they? Tell me! Tell me NOW!
Dandd scrambles: In the clouds, the uhh, outpost – you know – fluffy ,white, kinda cold…
Spike: Yeah. YEAH! Wait-
Dandd: I don’t remember where the portal is though…
Spike, deflated: Of course not. Old man…
Dandd grins.
Spike bounces the apple core off of a henchman’s head carrying a large covered object.
Dandd: So much wasted talent…
Spike: What?
Dandd: Did you hear that there are a few henchmen still debating whether or not the Underworld has dirt.
Spike: Pfft. Of course it does. They’re being silly.
Dandd: Wait, you said it DOES?
Spike: Duh, dood.
Dandd: It is in the MISTS!
Spike: Yeah, and?
Dandd: Not even on the planet…?
Spike: Hey! Henchmen!
Henchman 2: Dood. Lay off the Cracked Rock Candies!
Henchman 3: Whatever. You don’t know what you’re talking about.
Spike: HEY!
Henchman 2: The Lyrics begin “We come from the land of the ice and snow, From the midnight sun where the hot springs blow.” Right?
Henchman 3: Yeah, So Who Covered a ‘ F’n Clergy ‘ Song?
From somewhere in the world, all can hear the echoes of Balreth screaming.
Henchman 2: Dood! That is Dense Metal Dirigible!
Henchman 3: Who?
From somewhere in the world, all can hear the echoes of Balreth crying.
Spike: HEY!!!
Henchmen 2 and 3: What?!
Spike: uhh…@#$%…I forgot.
Dandd: Do you have much left?
Henchman 2: Nope!
Dandd taps Spike: Come on, let us tell Crysania.
Spike: Ok… Where is she?
Dandd: Either in her Tower or out Dungeon Crawling.
Spike pouts: Damn, Dood…
Dandd: Eh?
Spike: You can’t even say the words ‘Dungeon Crawling’ without getting all misty eyed.
Dandd looks down: …yeah…
Spike: Come on, old friend, let’s go.
The Henchmen finished hauling in the objects as Dandd and Spike made it to The Tall Tower of High Sorcery.
Dandd looks around: So she did remodel…
Spike: Dafuq?!
Dandd: What?
Spike: …no stairs…
Dandd stopped and looked around and, to his amazement, discovered Spike was right. There was a metal grating on the bottom, and smooth walls up a considerable distance to a roof with a big hole in the middle.
Spike wondered aloud: So how do we get up?
A voice came from below the grating: Allow us, Sir.
Spike shrieked like a little girl around a spider.
Several restrained outbursts poured from below the grating.
Even Dandd looked the other way and tried to compose himself.
Spike stepped out onto the grating: Ok, @#$holes, hit me.
All the henchmen looked at each other and grinned. They all cast their Air Magic at the same time and propelled an un-prepared Spike up the tower at speed!
Spike flailed about as he flew up the tower: Quuuuiinnn oorrrr Quuiittttt Sssssooonnnn!
Spike was propelled far too far, he soared past Crysania and through the hole in the roof, yelling “Hi Crysania!” as he flew past. He marveled at the wonderful view of the Zeal Islands and White Base zipping about before beginning his descent. He hit the roof with a loud thud, which alerted Crysania who followed the noise all the way off the roof and watched him fall off the side, yelling “Bye Crysania!” as he past.
From somewhere in the world, all can hear the echoes of Nyx yelling “Lawno!”
Dandd steps on the grating: Gently, please.
The air magic is cast and Dandd arrives on Crysania’s floor with a gentle footstep.
Dandd looks back down, then at Crysania: People volunteer for that duty?
Crysania: Be sure to tip.
Dandd shrugs and drops a couple gold coins down the tower.
Dandd: So I came to tell you-
Crysania grins: Oh I know!
Dandd: You know?
Crysania: Yes. My Guild Hall Smells of Rich Mahogany.
Dandd smiles: Yes it does. Shall we go see?
Crysania: Of course.
Without hesitation Crysania leaps down the tower shaft.
Dandd, panicking: Crysania!
Crysania is slowed down by a rush of air and gently lands on the bottom grating without issue.
Dandd releases his held breath.
Crysania: You coming old man?
Dandd leaps too, yelling: Hydrodynamics!
Dandd is also brought to a safe landing speed.
Crysania: Imagine if you didn’t tip.
A few giggles can be heard from beneath the grating.
Dandd: I reminded myself, we should bring back Spike.
Crysania: What WAS that all about?
Dandd grins: He didn’t tip.
Crysania grins and nods.
Crysania brings Spike Back and the three of them go see the new Wiki, with brand new furniture.
Crysania sighs happily: Took a long time to gather up 25 pieces of furniture like this.
Dandd: Respectable indeed, at least it didn’t take you 188 tries per piece.
Crysania, sarcastically: Funny.
Dandd grins.
Crysania: Yep. This Victory is brought to you by the letter M.
Dandd: M?
Crysania: Yep. Monk, Mesmer and mmmm…Ritualist.
Dandd and Spike laugh.
Crysania pauses in reflection: I do like this smell of-
Spike yelled: VENGENCE!
In the middle of Wiki was Jeni, holding an apple.
Dandd put a hand of caution on Spike who felt the hairs on his body stand on end.
Spike glanced over at Crysania to see he was the target of a Ray-Of-Mother@#$%ing-Judgment Glare.
Spike carefully released his grip on his firewater flask and nervously giggled: I…apples in the…xunlai…bamf
Spike disappeared quickly.
Dandd: So are we going to enjoy retirement together, oh guild leader?
Crysania scoffed: Hardly.
Dandd: so what’s next?
Crysania: I still haven’t retrieved my body.
Dandd: True. So what’s keeping you?
Crysania: There are still a few loose ends I need to wrap up.
Dandd: Oh, I read your “There and Back Again, Again”
Crysania: Yeah?
Dandd: False Advertising.
Crysania: How so?
Dandd: There and back Again, Again would have happened years ago. Now we’re on “There and Back Again, and Again, and Again, and Again-
Crysania rolls her eyes and walks away waving: Yeah,yeah…
Dandd: and Again, and I still hate when she does that.
[/three_fourth]
[one_fourth_last]
Episode 50
9 Jun 2011
Notes: Full references to be added soon.
References: Guild History
[/one_fourth_last]