[three_fourth]
The Iron Man plan had failed. Spike was thinking, not very hard, about his next move. In his travels, Spike heard about a way to change people, control people, achieve new levels of drunkenness. Spike was determined to get this to rank 12. Spike was determined to become an Alchemist!
Since it is Spike, after all, no one really paid any attention to him and a bunch of henchmen digging underneath Death Valley. Spike did remark to himself that it is harder to find good henchmen these days, with this whole Factions thing and all.
Spike gathered ingredients from far and wide to put in his Alchemy Lab. He even ‘reclaimed’ Mad King Thorn’s cauldron before his servants put it back in…wherever they put it in between Halloween Festivals. He also gathered several cookbooks from wives and libraries the world over.
When it was over, Spike’s Lab was situated beneath Crysania’s Tower, dug diagonally down from Death Valley. In fact the warmth of the Cauldron rose to heat the ground directly under Dandd’s bedroom, which made Dandd sleep harder – and thus snore louder, much to Balreth’s irritation in the neighboring Suite.
Spike, for good measure, employed some of Oola’s Security Leftovers along the path between the Exit and his Lab.
Spike wanted to start off easy, work his way into an Inexhaustible Inebriating Imbibry.
Spike marveled at his cavernous new home, and was promptly tackled by flailing henchmen.
Spike: What in the name of Eddie Van Halen was that for?
Henchman 1: We have a problem, sir…
Spike rubs the back of his head: Owww… You Really Got Me with that one.
Henchman 1: We dug the passage way too steep sir.
Spike: I got here just fine.
Spike flexes.
Henchman 1: It’s turning to mud. We’re just slipping down the path. Our pickaxes are just leaving skid marks along the path, but not really slowing us down enough.
Spike’s eyes widen.
Spike: THAT IS WHAT IT’S CALLED!
Henchman 1: What?
Spike: Skid Row! You will travel from Death Valley, along Skid Row, to My Lab.
Henchman 1: That’s nice, sir, do you want to just grind down the tools every time anyone comes down here?
Spike: No… You can’t be king of the world if you’re slave to the grind.
Henchman 1: What is your suggestion?
Spike: Hmm.. Try: going down to Panama, look for an Eruption, then Jump up there and Dance the Night Away.
Henchman 1 groans: You’re completely wasted, aren’t you?
Spike: I’m Hot for Teacher.
Henchman 1 sighs: I’ll go ask Crysania.
Spike turns to his first selected recipe.
Spike: Let us see here: Essence of a Black Hole Sun, A Tempered Glass Vial, a Vial of Ink, and the Blood of a Level 1 Creature: Type O Negative.
Spike sighs: Goddamn specific.
It was at that point that avatars of five gods appeared in Spike’s Lab, demanding to know which god to damn that.
Spike was frantically opening Trick or Treat bags for more things to drink.
Spike: Oh God, I’m Dead Again…
WHICH GOD?! The voices boomed throughout the laboratory.
Spike closed his eyes and pointed randomly.
Grenth: Very Well. I Damn That.
…and they were gone. Just like that.
Spike was in the fetal position, in disbelief, muttering: “Oh my God, they killed Spikey”
Dandd: You Bastard!
Crysania: I didn’t even make my move yet!
Dandd: Sorry…I…
Crysania: Checkmate.
Dandd: @#$%ING NEWTYPES!
Crysania grins.
Spike had gathered some money and a bag of holding and set off.
The vials were easy: the Traders in Wiki could take care of those.
Spike: The Essence of a Black Hole Sun…
Spike walked over to look at the World Maps. Along the way he tripped over an imaginary tankard of Gnomeflinger Punch and face-planted a picnic-table bench. The force broke the bench and catapulted the book laying on the opposite side into the air and across to the Cafeteria section, where it smacked a necromancer henchman in the back of his head, causing the henchman to stab himself in the back of the throat with his steak knife and died at the table. The other henchmen, unaffected, muttered something about Necrolepsy and finished their meals.
When Spike regained consciousness, he thought about how much that sucked. Then he ate a ‘couple’ rock candies and was alright.
Spike: Sucked! That’s it!
Spike map travelled to the vortex.
After a bit of pondering, and trying to subtly be able to see up the skirts of a couple dancing dervishes, he entered the vortex.
On the other side, Spike looked around, and…nothing.
Spike was running low on ‘consumables,’ which is a mortal sin to Clan Baltrihper.
Just randomly, Spike took out his glass vial and pointed the open end at the Vortex.
Spike then got a quest log update.
Spike rifled around his bag of holding and hit the button: “That was easy.”
Spike thought about level 1 creatures, and decided to wander around Istan for a bit.
Spike left the Astalarium, and was walking out to find his mark.
Spike: Hmm, I wonder which one is the Level-
Spike: BUTTERFLY!
Spike got distracted.
Spike ran, jumped, pounced, pranced, and did his best to catch the butterfly but ended up falling off of a cliff.
Spike landed on a Level 1 creature, killing it on impact.
Spike shrugged and scooped up some of the blood starting to drain into the ground.
Sure enough, quest update.
Spike, excited, map travelled back to Quinhalla.
Spike grabbed a piece of wood and surfed down the Mud of Skid Row.
Spike: COWABUNGA DOOD!
Spike leapt off the wood, tumbled along the ground for a bit, and sprung back to his feet with ease.
Spike: What were those henchmen bitching about anyway?
Spike: Really?
Spike: Well what did you say?
Spike: what did SHE say?
Spike: what did YOU say?
Spike: nuh-uh!
Spike: wow…
Spike: What? Ok. Later!
Crysania, who had just soared down on the Aion wings has learned by now not to question who he talks to.
Spike didn’t even notice, he’s engrossed in his work.
Spike threw in his ingredients into the cauldron, and then realized he didn’t have anything to retrieve the new product.
Crysania handed him a pair of large tongs.
Spike: Thank yo- AAAAHH!!!
Spike propelled himself clear over the cauldron and fell over the far side.
Spike: Don’t DO that!
Spike mutters about ‘light on her feet’ as she just grins.
Spike takes the tongs and pulls out a potion.
Crysania stares intensely.
Spike: It’s kind of hard to see…
Crysania: Yeah, that’s dark to a whole new level.
Spike: So what am I going to call this.
Only a momentary pause –
Crysania: Black No. 1 ?
Spike grins, from ear to ear.
Spike: Who should I use this on?
Crysania: I’m getting tangled in that mess, Everybody Dies in that one.
Spike: Oh, come on – You’re my Cinnamon Girl!
Crysania: I’m not even your Druidess…
Spike: Ooh, burn.
Then the inspiration struck.
Spike: I’m going to use this on-
Crysania: Angel. She’s with-
Spike: STOP THAT!
So they leave the guild hall, and come back in, as no exit has been built yet.
Spike doesn’t take but two steps then this loud Crack and a painful sensation find him.
Trixie: WHAT IS THAT?!
Spike, with a whip around his arm, was holding the Vial of Black No. 1 in his hand.
Trixie: I MUST have that!
Spike sighs: It’s NEVER enough…
So Trixie takes the Vial of Black No. 1 back to Hexico, her office, and lovingly dies her ‘evening’ dress.
While Spike didn’t get to play a joke on anyone, word of what he did spread – and fast.
People from all over were bargaining with Quin Officers to trade large quantities of consumables for Vials of Black No. 1.
Spike was literally rolling in absinthe…
However, something troubling was brewing. Crysania could feel it, but couldn’t pinpoint it.
Crysania was walking around Quinhalla, absorbing as much as she could wherever she went.
Gwen and Jora both noticed and agreed to pay attention to the strangely attentive guild leader.
Then it happened. In the Fields there was a henchman corpse lying there, with a burned palm in his chest.
It wasn’t a forcechoke wound, a sniper wound, a pet wound – this was a technique of someone different.
Crysania played it cool, but it happened again outside of the Henchman Quarters, and just outside the Main Gate.
As the corpses stacked up, a pattern began to establish itself. All were killed with a palm technique, and all had on armor dyed with Black No. 1.
Crysania had an idea, and waited for everyone to retire to their quarters and tried to sneak out.
Crysania made it up, over the wall, and to the forest beyond the wall.
Crysania was travelling slowly, keeping her guard up.
Gwen and Jora were up in the Hall of Heroes and saw what had happened, and decided to follow.
Gwen and Jora, not feeling what Crysania felt, were catching up quickly and gave their position away.
A voice, definitively Male, came from the forest: I see you. Guns and Roses won’t stop me.
Jora flexed instinctively, and Gwen clutched her Rose Focus tighter.
There was a movement, it was too fast for them.
A calm statement: Live and Let Die!
The girls realized the male was behind them, too late. They laid there, burning palm marks on their backs, unable to help or heal. Someone would come for them eventually.
Crysania heard the screams, and pressed on quicker. She had to make it to Paradise City and quickly.
She had made it: the ruins of The Jungle Pub, The Dead Horse Inn and The Sweet Child Shoppe still easily recognizable.
Crysania had navigated the city from muscle memory, and came to the door.
Crysania stared at it for a moment; one of the symbols had to stir a memory.
Crysania remembered! She tapped the clouds exactly three times: Knock, Knock, Knocking on Heaven’s Door. The Door Opened.
Crysania was certain now.
The second door was opened for her, and in this chamber stood the lone male figure.
Figure: It was a beautiful October Rust this year, no?
Crysania: Now it’s a Cold November…Rain.
Rain removed his hood.
Crysania: so it IS you! Veritas Rain Anchorwind.
Rain: I see you’re cursed with the Grenth Ink too.
Crysania: Nope, Just regular black.
Rain: I would say the same thing too if I was in your position.
Crysania puts blue paint on half her face.
Rain: You used to be so pure, but it’s hard to hold a candle in the cold November
Crysania lunged: RAIN!!!
Crysania’s attack missed.
So did Rain’s.
Back and forth they missed.
Rain: Your blood is like ice, one look could kill…
Crysania: I’m NOT poison!
Rain: It’s running through your veins!
More misses, neither showing signs of fatique.
Spike, who’s need to urinate made him stumble on Jora and Gwen, caught up with the girls at his side.
All three stared in disbelief.
Miss after miss, their fighting styles remarkably similar.
Gwen was going to cast hexes on Rain, which alerted both combatants to the presence of the other three.
Rain flew by Crysania to dispatch the interference.
Gwen: EVERY ROSE HAS ITS THORN!
Rain’s palm started glowing: DDDAAARRRKKKNNEEESSS!!!
Crysania managed to appear between Gwen and Rain, her palm glowing as well: SSSSSHHHIIINNNNIINNGGGG!!
Rain and Crysania: FFFFIIINNNGGGEEERRRR!
The force of the two master Smiting Monks colliding like that knocked over the three observers and caused significant structural damage to the room they were in.
Both were running low on energy, neither wanting to give up.
Gwen had recovered and was about to try again when Crysania knocked her over with a Signet of Judgment.
Rain immediately stopped.
Rain: …So you aren’t cursed…
Crysania: …Nope…
Spike: I think someone hit me with an Unskinny AND a Blitzkrieg Bop right to the head.
Rain chuckled.
Rain: So what are you doing here?
Spike: don’t need nothing but a good time!
Rain leans towards Crysania: Is he always like that?
Crysania: Yep. He’s the one making the Dye too.
Rain sighs.
Jora: So who is he?
Crysania grins: He’s our new Smiting Prayers Instructor
Rain: What?
Crysania took the opportunity: Signet of Judgment!
Rain got knocked over.
Crysania was Palm Striking and Stonesoul Striking Rain right in the chest.
Rain, having been momentarily beaten, sighs: Fine. You know, you’re still the dreamer.
Spike: I ran away high!
Jora: You’ll never be left all alone
Spike: brickhouse…
Jora whispers: this never happened
Rain: I’m on the way… I’m on my way
All: HOME SWEET HOME!
Crysania: Well Krewe, Let’s take a Ride on the Wild Side with this Live Wire.
And so the Call of the Hoolequin received a new instructor: Veritas Rain Anchorwind, Smiting Monk.
[/three_fourth]
[one_fourth_last]
Episode (31)
2 Nov 10
Notes: Mad King Thorn’s servants did end up taking their Cauldron back. Balreth would quietly install non-volatile floor heaters in his Fortress later on. No one has yet found an Inexhaustible Inebriating Imbibry, but we have found a few Incorrigible Ale-Hounds. Little known fact, Mesmers have an affinity for Whips. Trixie had the Hexican, and later own Simon would obtain the Auroralasher. “Guns and Roses” was the name given to the tag-team of Gwen and Jora. Rain proved to be too immature, and then brooding, to be a Hoolequin Regular. He pops up now and then.
References: Van Halen [You’ve Really Got Me, Panama, Eruption, Jump, Dance the Night Away, Hot for Teacher],
Skid Row [Slave to the Grind], Soundgarden [Black Hole Sun],
Type O Negative [Black No. 1, Dead Again, Everybody Dies, Cimmanon Girl, Be My Druidess, Never Enough, October Rust],
Guns and Roses [Live and Let Die, Paradise City, Welcome to the Jungle, Dead Horse, Sweet Child of Mine, Heaven’s Door, November Rain],
Alice Cooper [Poison], Poison [Every Rose Has Its Thorn, Unskinny Bop, Nothin’ But a Good Time],
The Ramones [Blitzkrieg Bop], Motley Crue [Home Sweet Home, Wild Side, Live Wire],
South Park, Guild History, Dragonlance, Staples’ Easy Button, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Mobile Fighter G Gundam
[/one_fourth_last]