[three_fourth]
Henchman 2: Holy Mother of Dwayna, have you seen how much money Crysania’s rolling around in?
Henchman 3: Didn’t she just buy an Armbrace?
Henchman 4: Yeah, and she still has more than all of us.
Henchman 2: Where does she get it from?
Henchman 4: Organized Crime?
Henchman 3: Whatever. She claims it is from Vanquishing.
Henchman 2: That’s probably only a small part of it.
The henchman ponder aloud.
Henchman 1 joins the group: I have your answer.
Henchman 4: Yeah, whatever.
Henchman 1: Seriously, dood.
Henchman 2: So spit it out.
Henchman 1: Do you remember when Balreth destroyed Quinhalla?
Balreth, sorting through his storage chest, growls: I had help, you know!
Henchman 2-4 nod.
Henchman 1: Well apparently Crysania turned the whole thing into a book and has been selling it. She’s making a killing!
Henchman 2 is excited: I want to find a copy, maybe I’ll be in there!
Henchman 1: Maybe, but you’d never know.
Henchman 4: Why not?
Henchman 1: Because she changed all our names to some canthan-based crap.
Henchman 3: Canthan-based crap?
Henchman 1: Yeah, like ‘Liu Bei’ and ‘Sun Jian’ and other @#$% that’s even harder to pronounce.
Everyone sighs sadly.
Henchman 3: So what is it called?
Henchman 1: She called it the Romance of the Three Factions.
The henchman got quiet for a moment.
Henchman 2: We could write a book!
Henchmen, in unison: Huh?
Henchman 2: We could write a book, and make money from the sales.
Henchman 4, sarcastically: OOOOh… “The Boring Tales of Henchmen in the Mists”
Henchman 3, sarcastically: OOOH! I want one!
Henchman 2, irritated: @#$% you!
Henchman 1: What about escaping from Nightfall?
Henchman 2: Yeah!
Henchman 3: Were any of us there for most of that?
Henchman 4: I tried to sign with the Hellequin, but Rain rejected me.
Henchman 1: …anyone seen Rain lately?
Another pause.
Henchmen: No, actually I haven’t.
Henchman 1: Odd. Anyway, Book.
Henchman 2: So no escaping Nightfall. Barely ANYTHING has happened since we got here.
Henchman 4: Yeah. Balreth seems to be stuck in the past.
Henchman 1: Crysania’s preparing for the Underworld assault.
Henchman 2: Nyx got hurt and hasn’t been around much.
Henchman 3: …and Salah has been quietly leaving a trail of bodies behind him.
Henchman 1: Can’t forget Grace, who seems to be preparing to be trained for Officer status.
Henchman 2: Why can’t I be a part of THAT party!
Henchmen: Me too, dood!
Henchman 1, sighs: So what to write about?
Henchman 3: We could write humorous short stories about the guild.
Henchman 4: Nah, no one would read that.
Henchman 1: I got it!
Henchman 2: …right…
Henchman 1: The Necrolexicon!
Henchman 3: The necro…whaticon?
Henchman 1: The necrolexicon.
Henchman 4: I think there is already a book of the dead.
Henchman 1: Not a book of the dead, a book of dying words.
Henchman 2: Dying words?
Henchman 1: Yeah, like what would…I don’t know…Balreth say if he knew death was coming.
All the henchman smile at each other, and in the best matter-of-fact Balreth-Tone they could muster: Not good.
So they produce parchment and ink and begin taking notes.
Henchman 1: Ok, got Balreth.
Henchman 4: What about Crysania?
Silence.
The henchmen stare blankly at each other.
Henchman 2: How about Nyx?
Henchman 3: ‘That’s not right!’
Henchman 1: Got it. That was an easy one. Any thoughts on Crysania?
Another pause.
Henchman 4: How about Grace?
Henchman 1: I’m not playing anymore?
The henchmen shake their heads.
Henchman 2: I got it! “This is Ridiculous”
The henchmen cheer!
Henchman 1: Got it!
Henchman 2: I’m almost afraid to ask, but Lalandra?
Henchman 1: Easy.
Henchman 3: oh?
Henchman 1 clears his throat: no, no @#$% this, @#$% that, you know what? @#$^ you, this is @#$%!*^&!
The other henchman clap.
Henchman 4: I hope you wrote that all down.
Henchman 1 furiously scribbles. Yep. R-Rated parchment now.
Henchman 2: Crysania?
Henchman 3: How about Jeni?
Henchman 1: ‘Like, Ow!’
Roaring laughter from that corner of the Guild Hall.
Henchman 2: Crysania?
Henchman 4: How about Spike?
The henchmen paused.
Henchman 2, acting all dramatic: ‘no…hydrodynamics’
The henchmen were in tears from the hysterics.
Henchman 2: Crysania?!
Henchman 3: Stabbith!
Another pause.
Henchman 4, pretending to be angry: ‘..bamF YOU!’
Henchman 1 can’t help but laugh: A little corny, but I’ll write down anyway.
Henchman 2: Crysania!
Henchman 4: What about Olias?
Henchman 1: ‘Again?’
Another round of gut bursting laughter.
Henchman 2: Crysania!!!
Henchman 3: Jora?
Henchman 2: @#$% you, guys, Crysania!
Henchman 4 pretends to be in disbelief: ‘Norn need no hit points, we..are..norn…’
Henchman 1 can’t even see straight to take notes.
Henchman 2: Norgu?
Henchman 3 snaps to his feet: ‘the hero dies…a tragic death…the crowd…goes…wild’
The Henchmen cheer loudly!
Henchman 2 grumbles: oh now you listen to me…
Henchman 1: How about M.O.X.?
Henchman 3: ‘Error, Code 404, Health Not Found.’
Henchman 2: Now for Crysania…
Henchman 3: How about Mhenlo?
Henchman 1: ‘Your party has been defeated, return to the outpost…’
The henchmen wince painfully.
Henchman 2: CRYSANIA!!!
There was an awkward pause.
Henchman 1’s eyes glaze over: ‘Little children who are playing in a Krytan field will be drenched in the blood of their parents as Humanity is pushed back to Divinity’s Reach. Ascalon will fall to the Charr and one defiant Ghost town will be all the remains of the wreckage. The Asura will be flushed from their caves, the Norn forced to abandon their homes. Dragons will rise from the Depths and the undead will roam the Crystal Desert. Lion’s Arch will become a pirate haven, Dwarves will turn to stone and a new Nightmare Court will terrorize the Maguuma Jungle-‘
Henchman 2 shakes Henchman 1: STOP! For the love of any of the Gods, STOP!
Henchmen 3 and 4 are wiping tears from their faces.
Henchman 1: Sorry…I didn’t write that down, is that ok?
Henchman 2: Yeah…
Henchman 3: No problem…
Henchman 4: …you know…Achi…how about “Oh. Ow. I ache…’
Henchman 2: yeah… ha… ha…
Henchman 1: Why don’t we just come back to this later?
Henchman 2: I got it!
Henchman 1: What?
Henchman 2: Crysania’s famous last words!
Henchman 3: …ok
Henchman 2: “Dwayna will protect me”
The Henchmen wince painfully, but none as much as Henchman 2, who was levitated painfully off the ground.
Henchman 1: Well, at least we have OUR famous last words.
Henchman 4: Oh?
Henchman 1 smiles: “Hi Crysania!”
The guild hall once again erupted in laughter.
The henchmen went looking for a monk to resurrect their friend and vowed to continue working on their Necrolexicon, with the hopes of a fortune in sales to follow.
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[one_fourth_last]
Episode 48
16 Apr 2011
Notes: Full references to be added soon.
References: Guild History
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