[three_fourth]
Halloween was coming; the air grew colder. Crysania put her Elite Luxon armor away, making some remark about being overdressed.
Spike reflected: If there were any trees left in Ascalon, their leaves would have turned colors by now.
Balreth agrees before turning to his Arrow Members: That’s all, report back to the fortress.
The Arrow Members salute: Aye, Aye, Dood.
Grace, seated neatly on a massive floor pillow adorned with all manner of shiny stuff: Did you have to have your throne brought way up here?
Balreth pleads with the crowd: they custom made it for me, might as well use it!
Georgia barks in agreement!
Nyx makes a remark about ‘woofing chickens’ that made Crysania grin sheepishly from her seat.
Crysania put out an Assemble! call at Simon’s request. Simon was going to entertain with a story. High up in Crysania’s tower: Crysania, Dandd, Spike, Simon, Aurora, Nyx, Georgia, Lalandra, Salah, Grace, Balreth, and Henchman 1 all brought snacks, pillows and blankets to keep warm by the light of Simon’s head.
Simon began: Krewe, This is a semi-true story, believe it or not – I made up a few things and there’s some I forgot.
Aurora grins: too much absinthe!
Crysania countered: or not quite enough.
Aurora scoffs: that’s only because you’re a highly accomplished alcoholic.
Spike /pickme !
Balreth /pickme !
Grace /pickme !
Dandd, hugging his Holy Grail, /pickme .
Aurora sighs in resignation: a guild hall full of drunks.
Henchman 1: and those that aspire to be!
Aurora groans painfully while the rest of the crowd begins a night full of laughter.
Simon begins: Krewe, I’m going to tell you the tale about Castlequinia, starring yours truly.
Spike snorted: You? Oh Lord, I’m not high enough for this one.
Lalandra dances in her seat next to Salah: Won’t you take me to FUNKYTOWN!
The story had to pause whilst the guild-wide funkytown dance took place.
Simon: A long time ago leaving from an outpost far far away
Balreth chuckled loudly from his ruby-encrusted throne.
Simon: I was following my quest log, a bounty given to me by some guy named Belmont, and I had discovered really cool looking castle.
Dandd gestured to a nameless attendant for a refill.
Simon: I was only armed with a whip of hastily made leather strips made from leftover salvage materials that I was going to beat Aurora with-
Aurora yells: HEY!!
The room is in hysterics. Grace has buried her face on an arm of Balreth’s throne. Dandd is hiding his face in the Grail. Nyx is pretending to visit with Georgia, Salah has fallen off of his seat, and Crysania’s wiping tears from her eyes.
Aurora stands defiantly: You’re entirely bonkers!
Crysania leans forward intently: All the best people are.
Balreth adds: Do or do not, there is no try.
Henchman 1: The greatest thing you’ll ever learn is just to roar, and be roared in return.
A quick hush fell over the krewe, with all eyes turning to the Henchman.
Spike, after a moment, spoke first: That’s the greatest thing I’ve ever heard a henchman say. Infact, if one says anything that great again…When that day comes I shall futterwacken… vigorously.
Crysania agrees: I still believe in as many as six impossible things before breakfast.
Grace nods: That is an excellent practice.
Crysania grabs the krewe’s attention: We’ve taken Simon’s muchness.
Simon: Well my muchness and my Auroralasher were entering this B*t(hin’ castle-
Aurora’s glare is hard not to laugh at, but Salah almost spilt his drink at the phrase ‘this B*t(hin’ castle’
Simon: The tattered drapes, tall windows, and almost infinite stream of level 2 ghouls made for sheet-stomping fun.
Simon: Past the first hallway, I found a waterway guarded by some mermen – but they were rangers so I had nothing to worry about.
Georgia growled at Simon.
Simon frowns: I wanted to explore the water for treasure, but I couldn’t.
Aurora leapt at the opportunity: because you’d lose your head?!
Simon blinked: no… because I won’t learn to swim for another 250 years.
Crysania and Dandd laugh a bit, Balreth nods in approval, and Lalandra claims “that’s harsh.”
Simon: So past the waterway was another hall that looked just like the first one. At the end of it I found a giant bat with a big aggro circle. The bat, though, was a warrior with frenzy.
Crysania: Oh no! Not frenzy!
Simon: I know! So a couple hits with the Auroralasher and it was on to the next section.
Balreth tried to quietly reach for Grace’s Vabbian Wine bottle and got his hand slapped.
Crysania: Should have worn your gauntlets!
Dandd: May I have a glass of wine?
Grace, grinning at Balreth: Yes, you may.
Balreth’s jaw drops: Hey!
Nyx: Now that’s not Right!
Crysania, Salah, and Lalandra grab the closest liquid and drink.
Nyx: Hey! Did you just drink when I said that’s not right?
The trio drink again.
Nyx pouts: Well that’s…well, that’s something I’m not going to say.
There were lots of smiles around the assembled krewe as drinks and snacks got passed around.
Simon: The second part had a lot of red. Orange floors, red walls, and old blood stains lying around, and walking suits of armor!
Grace: Sound like Balreth’s basement.
Salah: Oooh, Burn!
When the laughter died down, Balreth pointed at Aurora: Oh, so it’s funny when it’s directed at someone else.
Aurora turns back to Simon: Your muchness!
Simon nods: Yes, My muchness was climbing the castle, and my angst-infused Auroralasher-
Balreth grinned at Aurora, who only pouted in return.
Simon: -was defeating the walking suits of armor, little bats, and these floating heads with hair of snakes.
Salah: Sounds like Lalandra in the morning…I wonder what she was doing in Balreth’s basement.
The krewe enjoyed another round of laughter.
Simon: At the end of this section was a large head filled with even more snakes. She was a blackout Mesmer! I would have been worried, but I’ve dealt with blackouts-
Simon gestures at Spike
Simon: -enough that I was well prepared!
Spike stands up, pointing at Simon: Hey!
Spike then becomes fascinated with his outstretched finger and begins chasing it all over Crysania’s floor. Spike yelled ‘Come back here!’ before falling through the hole leading back towards the ground.
Simon: The 3rd section was kinda blue, I think. It was along the outside of the castle and there were hairy hunchbacks, ravens, and skeletons that liked to throw their rib bones at me. It could have been the top of the menagerie, I couldn’t quite tell.
Simon grinned as Nyx folded her arms and pouted.
Lalandra giggled: Ravens? Skeletons? Hey Necro Sis!
Nyx scoffed: yeah, really.
Balreth pondered out loud: How tall were these ‘hairy hunchbacks?’
Crysania threw the rind of an Istani fruit at Balreth: Don’t you even dare!
A fresh round of refills, and a fresh round of laughter and smiles conquered storytime – not that anyone’s complaining.
Simon: At the end of this section were two mummies. Two! So you KNOW the Order of the Friend is involved.
Nyx: Oh come on! That’s not right.
Lalandra, Salah, Crysania – Grace and Balreth all drank.
Nyx: Hey! You guys too?!
Grace smiled: Why not?
Balreth agreed.
Crysania: It’s another Horadric phrase!
Everyone, but Nyx, drank.
Simon: Now the next section was dank, dark, moist, smelly, repugnant, and infested with harmful things. You know, like the Men’s room at the Temple of Indecision.
Salah’s eyes widened and his jaw hit the floor, while everyone else’s reaction involved much pointing and laughing.
Salah: Dood, that’s @#$%ed up.
Lalandra points to Salah and mouths: ‘it’s true’
Simon: Once I escaped from Salah’s restroom, I came to a strangely open area with massive eagles carrying short people. I can only guess it’s how Crysania did cartography so quickly.
Crysania clapped in approval with others hooting and enjoying another sip.
Simon: Beyond this area was a small tunnel leading to a large chamber with a very large man holding a small man on his shoulder. Vekk on MOX, Crysania on Olaf, that kind of thing. The battle was annoying but the power of braided leather should not be underestimated.
Crysania: Trixie would be proud.
Dandd: woof. There’s a name I haven’t heard in a while.
Nyx: No. Woofing is her job.
Georgia barks approvingly.
Simon: The next section was another climb. It was more brightly colored, and well decorated. It was more densely packed and had things littered about. At the end was a hooded, flowing, scythe-wielding mad-man! Kinda like what it would be like for Grace to flip-out and kill the Order of the Arrow.
Grace grinned widely at Balreth.
Salah: More like if Salah flipped out…
Lalandra: aawww, is someone feeling insecure? Go sit with Aurora, you’d make a cute couple.
Salah: Man, @#$% you.
Henchman 1: It takes a great deal of bravery to stand up to your enemies, but a great deal more to stand up to your friends.
Crysania sighs: and Spike isn’t here to futterwacken.
Simon: The last section, though, was where it got scary.
Simon got quieter: the broken walkways across the top of Castlequinia were filled with the giant frenzy bats. There was less room to move, and one missed-step…it was a long way down.
Simon got quieter again, forcing everyone to lean in: the last climb was like this tower. Long, cylindrical, and hard to explain. All these metal parts and they move in harmony but producing this noise that drowns out all your thoughts, all your courage. More rib throwers, more short people. You finally make it out and you see this last room. It doesn’t make sense. It should fall! Like the roof of this very room.
Simon stops to look around, and half the krewe does so as well.
Simon: In the last room the creature is waiting for me. Belmont’s bounty is there. This, tall, thin creature stands against the moon and saps all will out of you. This creature’s pale skin and piercing gaze removes your spine from your body.
Simon gets louder: The creature’s words infect your being and drive you mad!
Simon yells: The fangs in its mouth remind you of the price of failure.
The hairs on everyone stand on end as the air in the room changes.
Simon: The creature knew I was coming. The creature is looking for an opportunity to suck me dry. If I’m not careful, the creature will steal my soul!
Simon points to Lalandra and with all he has, yells: SHE IS THE CREATURE! STRIKE HER DOWN! FOR THE BELMONTS!
At that moment Crysania executes a forcechoke style move, on the waist of Lalandra, screaming at the top of her lungs while doing it.
The entire room is startled, but Lalandra’s ear-piercing screams turn a room full of fright into a room full of laughter.
Simon and Crysania high-five and many in the room find it hard to breathe with all the gut-busting laughter filling the room.
After many joy-filled moments, the room calms a bit – except Salah who still is in hysterics.
Lalandra, however, is standing in front of her seat fuming: laugh it up, go ahead, keep laughing.
Crysania looks at Simon: Priceless.
Lalandra: Oh I got ‘priceless’ for you. The Silkball Tournament is coming. I’ll get my revenge on the field.
Crysania grins: We’ll see.
Lalandra /taunt: Oh, uh-uh, it’s a guarandamntee.
Crysania: So, how about we tell the Castlequinia story again next year.
Balreth Roars!
Grace agrees.
Nyx nods.
Lalandra starts walking away: Oh, @#$% this.
Nyx /taunt: Bye Necro Sis!
Another round of laughter fills the room, one of last of many for today.
Crysania: And here I thought you were going to make Mad King Thorn the last boss.
Balreth: That makes sense.
Simon: I was. That was just too funny though. I’m glad you helped.
Dandd: I felt the air change when you were preparing.
Nyx: Yeah! Me too. …but I didn’t realize that’s what it was.
Grace: Me neither.
Henchman: So, Well played, Empress.
Balreth: Agreed.
Aurora: So, um. Quin or Quit says it all?
All: Quin or Quit!
Crysania: and Happy Halloween.
[/three_fourth]
[one_fourth_last]
Episode 59
20 Oct 2011
Notes: Full references to be added soon.
References: Guild History
[/one_fourth_last]